Top Ten Reasons You Don't Have an Agent Yet - AWP Panel

Want to seal the deal with an agent?
Check this top ten and see
if you are ready to go.

This is a continuation of my previous post "Demystifying the Business Side of Writing and Publishing" which was a panel at the 2017 AWP conference.  One of the topics the panel spent the most time on was 'getting an agent.'  The panel had so many ideas related to this that I figured it deserved its own post.

To reiterate, the panel members as listed in the guide are: Whitney Davis, Tarfia Faizullah, Paula Munier, Joshua Shenk, and Andrew McFadyen-Ketchum.  Again, I was completely blocked in a packed room and could not see the panel table, so I wasn't sure who was speaking when.  But I think the bulk of this was shared by Paula Munier, who was introduced as an agent.

Top Ten Reasons You Don't Have an Agent Yet:

1. You are approaching the wrong agent.  You need to have a similar sensibility to the agent you have selected.  These people are swamped with submissions they will never represent because the authors have not done their homework.  Send only to people you think will really resonate with your work.
2. You are not being strategic.  This is related to the above.  Don't just send work out to anyone at all, have a solid plan and reasons for that plan.
3. Your query letter isn't working.  The query letter needs to be "sales copy" and many writers are not good at that kind of writing.  A query is a pitch, and needs to be written like one.
4. Your story idea isn't unique.  The story has to stand out against the competition or against those that are in the same market.  Focus on what makes you and your work unique or special and enhance those traits.
5. You don't know the competition.  Related to the above.  Read more within your own market and community to know how to make your work stand out.  Support your own community by reading.
6. Your story idea isn't strong.  Even a unique idea must be strong enough to sustain a book length narrative.
7. Your story idea is not well executed.  It's unique and goes the distance, but there are other issues ... can you cleanly pitch this story in 50 words or less to sell it?  If not, there may be issues with execution of the story.
8. Your craft is not high enough yet.  Again, related to the above.  Stories have to be crafted at the highest level to have a chance, since competition is so keen.  Look to your community to find ways to bolster your craft and make your story flawless.
9. You are not active.  You need to be an active member of your writing community, at the local, national, and perhaps even international levels.  An agent wants to see you as a contributing part of this body of people.
10. You are not prepared to be an author.  This is different from being a writer - being an author requires signings, social media, personal appearances, and more.  If the agent does not feel you are ready to be that person, they will not sign you.  Get good recommendations from established authors in your market.  Publish your work in other formats.  Have a solid writer's platform.  Present all work and yourself professionally.

Image Credit:  Handshake  Wikimedia Commons, CC 2.0
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hermandad_-_friendship.jpg

Top Ten Cult Movie Favorites: Horror

Do Not Touch Chain.

There is no question that this was the hardest list of the three.  It took me a while to figure out why, since I've seen plenty of horror movies.  But it turns out that horror movies don't often become movies I want to watch over and over, unless they have something to offer other than just scares.

You'll note my list is completely devoid of the standard pulp horror fare like Halloween, Friday the 13th, Saw, Chucky, and so forth.  Movies like that are good at producing shock and scream-surprises, but once you know what's coming they lose their appeal.  I've never been fond of gore for gore's sake or cheap frights you get from just being startled.  Humor-horror, or psychological-surreal horror are more my style.

As before, my reasons for picking movies as "cult" is in my first Top Ten Cult Movie List: Science Fiction.

And as before, I had to define "horror" for myself in order to decide which movies I would consider.  That ended up being broken down into two factors:  (a) movies that contained ample horror tropes such as haunted castles, zombies, vampires, ghosts, etc. OR (b) movies that had moments where I was actually really scared, regardless of genre or tropes.

10.  Ghostbusters - 1984 - Really campy beyond words.  Plenty of laughs even when you already know the jokes.  A few scenes are even mildly scary, and I can say I hope I do not find a Zool in my refrigerator.

9.  Trilogy of Terror - 1975 - There really weren't any horror buffs around me growing up, and so I was alone for a long time thinking that I, only I, knew the true terror of the trilogy.  The first two were scary enough, but I was frightened out of my mind when I saw the third.  The Zuni doll was the scariest thing ever.  Now I know others also worship this 25 min long bit of horror movie gold. 

8.  Night of the Living Dead - 1968 - Old, hokey, and really pretty darn scary.  Except for the scenes where they show the zombies eating, and then it's funny.  The ending is a shock, too, which isn't the case for most zombie style horror films.  Good, wholesome cult horror entertainment.
 
7.  The Dead Zone - 1983 - There was a time when I'd say "Dead Zone" and no one would know what movie I was talking about.  Then there was a TV version, I think (I don't watch TV).  But I was making cult movie madness of this flick back before all that TV nonsense.  Nice, quietly creepy stuff, with a really despicable presidential candidate who gets what's coming to him.

6.  The Lost Boys - 1987 - Yeah, I know, "how many times can you say 'Michael?'"  This is mostly so stupid, but I love it for how bad it is - and the great soundtrack.  It is so corny and so overdone you just can't look away.

5.  Heavy Metal - 1981 - Okay, you are wondering why this is in my horror category.  First of all, my fantasy category had four times as many movies in it.  But mostly, this movie is here because it scared the crap out of me.  The only common element between the stories is an evil green ball that mutates people or just obliterates them completely.  The funny bits did not make the flick less scary.  Oh, and of course the animation and soundtrack are righteous.

4.  Little Shop of Horrors - 1986 - At this point you have probably lost all faith, but I can't help it.  This is definitely one of my cult favorites, and I adore the soundtrack.  The movie is just creepy and gross enough that it is still definitely horror, even though it is much more campy than previous versions.  The dentist is such a wonderfully greasy egomaniac.

3.  Fright Night - 1985 - Truly a cult wonder.  Even though it was remade, this older version remains on my list.  It was my definition of a vampire film that remained entertaining and watchable even after you knew what was coming.  The makeup effects on the protagonist's girlfriend kept me up at night.  Reminded me of the Zuni doll, actually.  Brrrr.

2.  Young Frankenstein - 1974 - This is camp horror movie perfection.  It lampoons all the tropes while delivering great laughs and some very unsettling moments with the monster.  Filmed in black and white, it retains an edge that color might have washed away.  Igor eating the fur stole is a brilliant moment.

1.  Alien/Aliens - 1979, 1986 - This is where I hope to regain your faith.  Alien is the number one scariest movie I've ever seen.  Nothing has kept me up nights like Alien.  Aliens, while a very different movie with it's high action, brighter lighting, and constant explosions, is still really amazingly frightening.  In spite of the terror they inspire, I'd watch these over and over.  The style, sets, and the ambiance are so compelling.  You'll note Alien 3 is not on here.  I saw it, wasn't impressed, and then I lost interest in the franchise.  But Alien and Aliens will always be there for me.

Alright, I know this list simply must cause some scratching of heads in bafflement.  What are your horror cult movie favorites?  Leave a comment here, or link up to your blog with a relevant post and I'll go read it for myself.

Pax, all.

Image Credit - Zuni Fetish Doll.  Promotional image.  Trilogy of Terror with Karen Black

Top Ten Cult Movie Favorites: Fantasy

Tim Curry as Darkness.  Oh yeah.

I'm back for more fun with my personal cult movie favorites.  Last week I gave out my Top Ten Cult Movie Favorites: Science Fiction.  In that post I go into some detail about what "cult movie" means to me, and how I decided if a movie could be considered for the top ten.

Interestingly, this list was the most fun to make of any of my top three (I'll post horror next week.)  I'm not sure why - perhaps because most of my fantasy cult favorites are also adventure films in one way or another.  My sci-fi seems more serious, and horror can be, you know ... scary.

In any case, trying to pull this together was both very entertaining and very frustrating.  I had to drop a huge stack of fantastic films in order to whittle this down to ten.  Fantasy ends up being a catch-all genre for anything with supernatural elements that are not horrific or futuristic.  I had to cut Raiders of the Lost Arc, Clash of the Titans, The Hobbit, Highlander, Yellow Submarine, Conan the Whatever, The Beastmaster, Charlotte's Web, and on and on.

10.   Krull - 1983 - There was more hokey, campy fantasy in the 80's than Max Headroom could shake a stick at.  Here we have witches, horses with fire coming out of their feet, a cyclops, a magical ninja throwing star, and the whole prince-saves-princess thing.  At least that last cliche is busted when it takes both of their powers (their love, actually, yikes) to defeat the big bad.

9.   Wizard of Oz - 1939 - The oldest film on all three lists, this classic is still one of my favorites.  Based on Baum's book published in 1900, this movie is still entertaining (sometimes in ways it wasn't meant to be).  The fantasy elements are handled beautifully, with joy, awe, horror, and a nice neat little moral all rolled up into one.  The color is of course phenomenal, because (egads) every single frame was hand painted.

8.   The Last Unicorn - 1982 - Okay, back to the 80's.  This one has that creepy Rankin Bass animation style, but is still fun to watch.  It's also surprisingly disturbing for a kid's fantasy flick.  The voice cast is canonically star-studded again, and the group America did the soundtrack.  Really.

7.   Legend - 1985 - More eighties bizarre camp with so many stars it just does not make sense.  Tim Curry as "Darkness" (in a costume that makes Rocky Horror look subtle) is the best thing in the film.  Oddly juxtaposed music from Tangerine dream and the lead singers from Yes and Roxy Music add to the sense of the surreal.

6.  Excalibur - 1981 - This movie was the first full-blown treatment of high fantasy I ever saw, so it made a huge impression.  The movie also doesn't really make much sense, as it is cobbled together from a mass of different legends, and blends historical features from a span of several hundred years.  I still enjoy it for the epic feel and the amazing images.  Still have to laugh at the sex scene where the dude does not even bother to take his armor off. 

5.  The Dark Crystal - 1983 - Okay, yes, you think I am crazy now.  I can't help it, I really like this movie.  It has so much fun fantasy, great puppeteering, and excellent voice work.  I re-watched it recently for the millionth time and realized that I Am Fizgig. 

4.  Sleeping Beauty, Disney - 1959 - The style is so lush and iconic.  It formed a strong idea in my head of what was meant by "medieval."  The real stars are the fairies, who mess up the day and then save it.  Oh yeah, I Am Also Merryweather.  Make it blue.  Seriously. 

3.  Ladyhawke - 1985 - Once again, stars all over the place in this one.  This movie has an 'A' movie feel with a 'B' movie plot.  Some great sets and good acting, as well as a really creepy story and nasty villain, make it a favorite. 

2.   Monty Python and the Holy Grail - 1975 - Fantasy at its absolute craziest.  This movie truly defines 'cult' for me.  You watch it over and over and laugh every time, and then get pissed off at the stupid ending.  The foul tempered rodent and the holy hand grenade are total genius.

1.  The Princess Bride - 1987 - Too romantic?  Too mushy?  Well, probably, but this just has to be my number one in this category.  It simply must.  Wonderful jokes, more star studded than the other stuff I said was star studded, gorgeous sets and scenery, as well as fencing.  As the bad guy says, "a trifle simple perhaps but her appeal is undeniable."

Well, there you have it.  I'm really curious to find out what your personal cult fantasy favorites are, and how you chose them.  Drop me a comment, or point me towards your blog!

Pax, all.

Image Credit:  Character 'Darkness'.  Actor - Tim Curry.  Promotional photo for the movie Legend.